A witch slayer has to be the seventh son, etc., so the next one happens to be a block of wood named Tom Ward (Ben Barnes), whose family hands him over to Gregory because prophecy. Bridges plays Master Gregory, a “spook” whose job is slaying witches but who keeps losing apprentices to them (the most recent is Kit Harington, direct from the set of Game of Thrones without even a costume change). This is now the fourth straight film (following True Grit, R.I.P.D., and The Giver) in which he’s played a grizzled, eccentric old mentor type with an exaggerated, gravelly voice, and his shenanigans here cross the line and plunge deep into self-parody territory. Nothing in this film carries even a spark of originality or inspiration, right down to one of the single worst performances I’ve ever seen Jeff Bridges give. Seventh Son, which was shot three years ago and has been the subject of panel presentations at Comic-Con for it seems longer than that, is exactly the kind of movie that it appears to be in the trailers: a generic fantasy would-be “epic” that wants so badly to be The Lord of the Rings - or least somewhere in that classic’s orbit - but ends up as both a hodgepodge and a poor imitation. I couldn’t remember if anyone in the film had explained that, but then I realized I didn’t care anyway.
There was a moment while watching Seventh Son when I wondered to myself why the seventh son of the seventh son had to be the one that hunted witches.
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